It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
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