My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
