if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
