i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
