Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
