Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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