There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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