I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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