You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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