So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
