I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
