i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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