My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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