I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I want to fling myself into the sun
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
