theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
either way he was missing a nipple.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
a search helicopter?!
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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