Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
