i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
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