Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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