i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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