I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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