Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
