It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
