yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
