You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
