In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
