I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I will be naked everywhere
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
