She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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