p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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