Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Fuck appropriateness.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
