I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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