Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
soo... how was my night?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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