i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
