just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
