I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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