Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
