My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
