So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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