Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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