i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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