I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
