Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
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my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
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Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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