I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Randomize
