The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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