you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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