I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
