Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
