A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
