my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
