you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
