I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
