hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
