I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
