No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
