How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
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definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
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There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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