Ambien. No doubt about it.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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