Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
