I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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