I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
When are your genitals available?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
