she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
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You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
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Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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