hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
