ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
