I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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