my mouth tastes like poor choices
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
