Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
