I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
