don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
