I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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