just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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