I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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