Fine. I'll sleep in my office
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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